I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
