Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
