im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
