Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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