That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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