so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize