hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
