Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
