if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
