I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
