The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
True strength comes from lack of pants
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
