So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
