I got chris browned last night
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
