Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Randomize
