I just saw a hot homeless man
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
