I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My feet surprised me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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