Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just invented taco cereal.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
