some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
