Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
