Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
