billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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