I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
