If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
