rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
