Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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