you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
