and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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