girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
