Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can I color on your dick again?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
