There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
