We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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