Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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