but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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