then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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