I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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