why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
