"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
