peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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