My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
