I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
