im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
