I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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