do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
