he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
