I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
