Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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