who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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