Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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