I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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