Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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