I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
