you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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