I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
