you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
