who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize