Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
