That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
