i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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