It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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