so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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