new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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