Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize