I heard we made out
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
