Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
