it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
