my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
