I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize