Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
