Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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