Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
