you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
