he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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