You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
