erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
