We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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