Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
this hospital has no fireball
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
