3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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