wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i already hear my dad disowning me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's get the cat blown out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
