how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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