sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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