I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
