Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
