we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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