Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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