She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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