We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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