I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
