Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
