remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize