Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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