You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
