Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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