I'm so fucking centered right now
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize