I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
