if you like me you must not know who I am
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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