grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
