How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm like, not good at living.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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