Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
