How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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