Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My feet surprised me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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