I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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