I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
