Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
