she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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